


Confidantes, But Never Friends (Were We Ever Friends?)

by cantthinkofausername_B_Pike



Series: Carry On Countdown 2017 [2]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Carry On Countdown, Light Angst, M/M, Social Media, because that's all I write apparently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 00:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12805278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantthinkofausername_B_Pike/pseuds/cantthinkofausername_B_Pike
Summary: Simon accidentally finds Baz's secret Tumblr, where he posts a lot of things about his roommate...This is written for Day 2 of the Carry On Countdown. Title from HOLD ME TIGHT OR DONT by Fall Out Boy.





	Confidantes, But Never Friends (Were We Ever Friends?)

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about social media (Tumblr is the only social-media-esque platform I have been on since 2014) so please don't hold that against me.  
> Thanks to my sister for beta-reading :)

Simon’s Tumblr dash was an eclectic mix of cute animal pictures, inspirational quotes, and aesthetic photography. He didn’t follow many people, and his only follower was the obligatory Tumblr bot. He didn’t post anything on the site himself, he just liked to scroll for a few minutes or an hour sometimes. To de-stress.

Of course, he only checked Tumblr when Baz was out. The last thing he needed was Baz making fun of him even more than he already did. Since Baz hadn’t shown up yet, Simon decided to enjoy these few minutes of peace and quiet by pulling out his computer.

Recently, he’d begun following a blog with the truly unfortunate username of **gampire**. He didn’t even remember what he’d been looking at when he’d found the blog, but it intrigued him. It was done in grayscale with red in a way that came off far less edgy than he suspected the creator had intended, and he had followed the blog out of pure curiosity.

Simon scrolled by a photo of the Golden Gate, then a puppy with a bow in between its ears. Next, **gampire** had reblogged what Simon thought was an attempt to make internet friends – a list of numbers, each number corresponding to a question. He almost felt bad for whoever ran the blog, as he was pretty sure that just about nobody followed it. He scrolled for a while longer, until he heard Baz walking up the stairs to their turret, when he hastily stowed his laptop under his bed and pretended to be asleep.

 

***

 

A few days later, Simon was taking advantage of Baz’s football practice to check his dash when he came across a post from **gampire**.

 

_**anonymous** : wow, i love ur blog! 16 + 24??  
**gampire** : Thank you, anon :) 16: In a relationship? No, I am not, but I do like someone. It seems pretty hopeless though. 24: Coffee, hot chocolate, or tea? Coffee, all the way. With as much sugar as possible. Can my love for coffee count as a relationship? ha_

 

Simon was somewhat surprised to see that. He hadn’t really expected anyone to ask any questions, as he’d thought that maybe 20 people followed the blog. (Also, because he, outgoing and friendly as he was, had heard enough stranger danger speeches in his life to not post anything online.) Maybe the blog was a little more popular than he’d thought.

Then, he happened to glance in the bottom right corner. 114 notes. 114! On a mod post, at that! Simon shook his head and kept scrolling. He would never understand social media.

 

***

 

Simon stared at the closed door, simmering with anger. Of course Baz had to choose to start a fight today. All Simon had done was politely ask Baz to stop making eyes at Agatha, and Baz had to get all worked up and storm out. 

It only took Simon a little while of staring at the door before he realized two things. One, Baz was not coming back anytime soon. Two, what he was doing was completely pointless and maybe a little bit weird. What would Penny do in this situation? Homework, probably. (Penny would never have gotten into this situation, because she wasn’t forced to share a room with the most arrogant, evil, ~~attractive~~ person on the planet.) Penny was always trying to beat out Baz for top of the class. That wasn’t going to happen though, as she was usually preoccupied helping Simon with something. Also, Baz was pretty smart. It’s a side effect of all the plotting.

Simon pulled out his laptop and stared blankly at the page. He meant to write the essay, honest, but he was still pretty worked up. And he had no idea what the topic was. And the internet icon was taunting him from the taskbar with the promise of puppy pictures. 

He hadn’t even meant to open Tumblr, but here he was. It had been weeks since he’d last gone on the web site - a result of too much schoolwork and Penny’s nagging. Time seemed to stand still as he scrolled through the endless assortment of calming photography on his dash. When a mod post interrupted his detached viewing of baby animals, he was mildly irritated. A glance at the post showed it was from **gampire** , and a quick readthrough made Simon realize he had missed something in the last three weeks.

 

 _ **Anonymous** : why does he think ur evil? im v sure you’ve gotta do some serious shit to be evil  
**gampire** : It may have something to do with the _many _times he thinks I’ve tried to kill him. He’s hopelessly melodramatic. I did no such things._

 

What was this? Simon scrolled down **gampire** ’s blog to the last post he remembered reading and started from there. Why did interesting things never happen when he was online?

 

_**Anonymous** : (different anon but you’ve got me curious) what makes you say it’s hopeless? if you dont want to answer thats fine its a pretty personal question  
**gampire** : I don’t mind. Probably has something to do with how he’s got a girlfriend. AKA is straight._

 

 _ **Anonymous** : (same anon) ouch that sucks man.  
**gampire** : Tell me about it :/ I have to _live _with him._

 

_**Anonymous** : brand new anon but this is getting interesting >:) your life sounds like a roommates au  
**gampire** : Let me tell you, it’s a lot more fun to read about it than live it._

 

_**gampire** : My inbox has been spammed with asks over the last few days about my crush. It’s mildly horrifying how invested you people are in my life. Instead of replying to individual asks about it, do you just want me to tell you the story?_

 

_**gampire** : More people have actually started following me solely based on my potential romantic drama. I truly question you people. Without further ado, here goes._

Keep Reading

 

Without hesitating, Simon clicked. He didn’t know why he was so curious. Maybe it was just that reading about somebody else’s problems helped him avoid his own. In any case, this was interesting.

 

_Everything started when I was assigned the most irritating person in the world as my roommate at school. He does everything in his power to piss me off. I was fine with this for a long time, as I seemed to have the same effect on him. Three years ago, I had the extreme misfortune of noticing that my roommate was the most attractive person I’d ever seen. He still is. He is also still dating the same girl as he was then. Anyway, long story short he thinks I’m evil and having to play that part is maddening. At least school is almost over. I’ll never see him again, and I can’t decide whether I’m looking forward to or dreading that day._

 

This was serious. Simon’s heart hurt for this poor soul who had been pining for years. Reading back through the post though, he began to notice some unnerving similarities between this person’s story and his and Baz’s situation. In the annoying and evil department, anyway. He knew both him and Baz went out of their way to irritate the other. But there was no way that Baz could have a crush on him. Right?

Simon tried to scroll up and keep reading the story, but there were no more posts. Just as he was about to close down his laptop, he noticed a new post notification. Against his better judgement (the judgement that sounded a lot like Penny and was telling him to _stop procrastinating and write the essay already_ ), he reloaded the page.

 

_**gampire** : My idiotic roommate just accused me of “making eyes” at his girlfriend. First of all, who the hell says “making eyes.” Only him. Second, I obviously have no attraction to his girlfriend. I’m GAY. Why is he like this?_

 

This was too much for Simon to ignore. He had just had this conversation with Baz, although there had been no accusing. It was much more of a polite request, really…  
But if this really is Baz, Simon realized, he doesn’t even like her, he likes – 

**Oh.**

Simon slammed his laptop closed and rushed out the door.

 

***

 

When he got to the bottom of the stairs, Simon realized that he had no idea where Baz might be. Rushing off to go find Baz seemed so _necessary_ , but he didn’t know where to go. Baz could be anywhere at Watford, and it was late. Reluctantly, Simon turned around and trudged back up the stairs to their room.

Simon sat cross-legged on his bed and waited for Baz’s return. He stared at the door and couldn’t help thinking how different things were than when he had been staring at this same door only a couple hours ago. What could he say to Baz? There were absolutely no good ways to have this conversation.

Just as Simon was starting to nod off, the door swung open. Baz looked tired, the kind of bone-deep tired that isn’t fixed by sleeping. He was paler than usual. Simon wondered where he’d been.

“What’re you looking at?” Baz’s words were clearly meant to tell Simon to shove off, but they’d lost all the venom from their earlier fight. 

“I – you – well,” Simon stuttered. He _really_ should’ve tried to plan out this conversation more.

Baz rolled his eyes. “Spit it out, Snow.”

“I found your Tumblr.”

For a moment, Simon thought he’d read everything wrong. That hadn’t really been Baz. He’d messed up. But then Baz’s eyes widened and he saw a flash of utter panic cross his face. It lasted only a second before being replaced with a mask of boredom, but that second was enough.

“What the hell are you on about?”

“I read the posts, you know.”

With that sentence, Simon saw every mask, every wall Baz had built, shatter. Shakily, Baz slid down the wall until he sat on the floor with his knees to his chest. He watched Simon warily, waiting for his next move. “And?” He spat bitterly.

“I never realized.” Simon couldn’t find words. 

“You were never supposed to.” Baz’s words were fragile, filled with self-loathing and anger. “Can’t ruin the _Chosen One’s_ picture-perfect ending.”

“What?” Simon asked, his voice nearly a whisper.

Baz glared at him. “You kill me, beat the Humdrum, and ride off into the sunset with Agatha fucking Wellbelove. You win, Snow. But it wouldn’t be much of a fight.”

Simon met Baz’s eyes. He didn’t see the evil, plotting vampire he thought he lived with. Instead, he just saw a broken boy. “You –” _You just said you’d die for me,_ he thought. _You’d die for me, when I’ve never been anything but horrible to you._ “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry, Snow? I’m the one who had to go and ruin everything by falling in love with you.” Baz snapped. He was hurt and lashing out, and Simon didn’t know how to help.

“Because I never knew. And I, I was awful to you. For years. And all the while, you…” 

“I’m pathetic. Can you please tell me you never want to see me again and we can be done with this?” Baz closed his eyes and Simon saw tear tracks down his cheeks.

He didn’t know quite why he did it, but Simon moved to sit on the floor beside Baz. “I don’t think you’re pathetic, Baz.”

“Really?” He sounded hopeful and looked like he hated himself for it. “I fell for my straight roommate. I’m a fucking cliché.”

Simon wrinkled his brow in confusion. “I’m not straight.”

“What about your girlfriend?”

“Agatha… We broke up. Weeks ago. Besides, why can’t I like boys and girls?”

“So, you’re bi, then?”

Simon shrugged. “Maybe.”

“But if you’re not with Agatha anymore, what was that about earlier?”

“What was what about?”

“The whole ‘stop making eyes at my girl’ thing.”

“I was jealous,” Simon admitted. “Only now, I’m not sure who I was jealous of.”

For once, Simon wasn’t the one at a loss for words. Baz’s mouth hung open in astonishment. Distantly, Simon thought there was a time when he would’ve looked forward to ruining Baz’s day. He didn’t know when that had changed into a fierce desire to make him smile. 

Simon reached out, brushed a stray tear from under Baz’s eye, and tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “Can I?”

Baz’s eyes fell closed as Simon leaned in. They kissed, and it was shy and soft and hesitant. They smiled against each other’s lips, and Simon thought this awkward, fumbling kiss might just be the best kiss of his life.

They pulled away, and Simon opened his eyes to see Baz watching him, still wearing a faint smile. He had almost involuntarily brushed his fingers over his lips, like he couldn’t believe that Simon had really kissed him. 

Baz looked at him like he was the only star in the sky. Simon laced his fingers with Baz’s, wondering why it had taken him so long to see what was right in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic started out as a joke, but it's now one of my favorite pieces I've done for the Countdown. If anyone enjoyed this utter garbage, comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
